Daruma
April 3, 2025Daruma
April 3, 2025(May 8, 2025)
Starting to Grow
Espoo, Finland, Summer 2023. I attempted to grow peppers from seed.
In this dreary summer, my partner and I lived together in a student apartment on campus. Although windows spanned the entire outer wall, the ground-floor apartment was quite dark. But since we planned to stay around all summer, I gave in to my desire to grow some plants, choosing spicy peppers, which I struggled to find in supermarkets.
Of course, a poorly lit apartment and novice gardening knowledge does not herald abundant plant growth. In the span of three months, my pepper plants grew not very much.
I loved my time in Finland. I loved living there, studying there. I loved the long summer days and the long snowy winter.
But now that I live in Germany, I realize just how badly I missed spring. There is some primal joy in seeing the world come to life in March, in feeling the warmth of summer coming, in longing to spend time outside.
Every place you live is different, and the more I travel, the more I realize there is no perfect place to live. Berlin has a spring, but Finland has snow before the new year. Colorado has infinite sunshine, but plants are dead by the middle of summer. No place is perfect. Or rather, it is as perfect as you make it. It's always a compromise, between the nearness of family or friends, jobs or education or the climate. It's a compromise of safety and security--financially, emotionally, physically.
I drew this piece completely in summer 2023. I hadn't drawn or posted any art in a long time, and I wanted to feel hopeful, I wanted to feel like things were looking up.
When spring finally arrives, you realize just how dark and cold the winter was.
I didn't realize just how much I needed to feel Spring until last year here in Germany.
I'm glad to finally share this piece, even though I'm in a different place than when I drew it. I was racked with guilt, over my untouched masters thesis, over my hiatus in drawing and posting art, over my neglected website, over the messages from friends I had yet to respond to.
I don't want to say that the change in weather is what helps me feel better, about myself, about my life, about my future. But it definitely is not not helping. Piece by piece it's coming together.
Summer of 2024, I again tried to grow some plants, including peppers and tomatoes, this time with more success. And I trust that this year will turn out even better.
It's strange to think how much can change in just two years. But then again, with the right sunlight and water, a single day can do a lot for a plant.
